thump thump thump

i have come to a halt somewhere between trendy angst and undeniable insanity. i dont know if it is school. work. or some other underlying stress...but I cannot stop thinking about my heart. thump thump thump. it feels like it is beating too fast. i checked my blood pressure at work the other day...prehypertensive. perhaps because i have been super anxious out of nowhere. it was also checked again at the dr.s office last week. still high...with a high pulse rate. i dont know what my deal is.

curt keeps telling me that i am making myself sick. its all in my head. hyperchondriac status. seriously though. i dont know if i am sick or not. i dont know if my anxiety is causing my heart to race...which in turn is causing me to feel super tired all the time. when we were in CO, I felt like the elevation was making me breathe weird...causing my heart to race. i bought a multi vitamin over there thinking perhaps i am anemic. it seems to have helped a bit. but perhaps it is a placebo affect. i am at school right now. unable to concentrate. i need to finish up a lesson plan that was due tuesday. but i cannot concentrate on it. i start thinking about my breathing and then notice that my heart is beating hard and get scared. i think i might go home and sleep. try to relax. but i need to go to class today. missed two classes already because of vacay to CO. i was walking to lab and kept feeling woozy. like I was floating. i dont understand. i have to work tonight. im scared im going to pass out in the stockroom and rats will come out and nibble on my fingers.

anyway. if anyone reading this can help me relax or give me advice...id greatly appreciate it. i dont know if this is pure anxiety or perhaps somethign more serious. i wish i had more time/energy...perhaps I need to see a shrink. damnit.