truth

As of late, I have felt a tornado behind these eyes. My mind is starting to run again. The thoughts are proving to be more constructive than destructive….but I really don't know where to place them. Is this a gauge of emotional intelligence? Or just a manifestation of too much information on a girl that is way too indecisive to firmly plant her feet down.

As mature adults, we are constantly taking in information from everything around us. The environment, people, objects—the atmosphere of our little bubble of an existence. With this information we do one of two things: either agree and embrace the judgment we have made or disagree and reject it. By doing this, we are able to build and support our current ways of thinking—opinions and views of that which surrounds us. ANNNND we do this why? I am guessing to keep ourselves comfy and free of distractions and unattractive ideas. Because where do these unhappy and unconventional ideas lead us?? To a pit of despair!! HELL EVEN!! No they really don't.

I guess what this is coming down to is…my question about a person's ability to think about their own thought processes. I have played this game quite a few times. Where I experience a situation and later regret some of the things I have said/done and really scrutinize the way my brain works to better myself for next time. I am constantly questioning my own judgments, which can be both a good thing and bad—depending on where I take it and settle. I really want to know if many people do this. Or have the capacity to.

Hhhhmm. I don't understand how some people can open their eyes, ears, mind—heart…and really get it…and some cannot. I want to know if it is an inability to process certain information or a conscious decision to reject the uncomfortable. I want so much for people around me—especially those I really care about—to grasp these ideas with the same hold that I have created. It feels so good to be in a reality where there is no ceiling to what you can think, believe and pursue. Others have proven to disagree—causing me to question myself. Is my way of thinking skewed and biased? Am I the one that is still too closed minded accept that some people really cannot think outside of the padded happy box they have encapsulated themselves into?

I guess this frustration comes from a few conversations that I experienced over the holidays—most of them dealing with my "plans" after I move, the ethics of burning hummers and shooting sea lions, and the forever discussion on why I choose not to consume animal products. This year with family was extra….frustrating…to say the least. What can you do though…Not much…Unless you are looking to be ostracized from those who have shown unconditional love since you were born.

I was once the granddaughter that was going to fill that "mold of excellence". I am now becoming the complete opposite of what every other girl aspires to be…and I actually feel pretty good about it.