time

my stomach hurts. anxiety is getting to me. i think its a mix from work-school-social issues. which is basically. everything.

today i have orientation for PSU at 1ish. im going to attempt to bike there. but im kind of nervous. monday drivers...busy roads. hm. it should last until around 5....right at rush hour...great. we will see.

target was suppose to call me today...regarding my old position at their store. fuck. i dont want to work there. or best buy. blacksheep bakery posted an ad on craigslist this morning. so i responded to that...probably wont get a response. but i can hope. that i will be getting a job that isnt target or bestbuy.

hung out with some awesome people this weekend. and ive never before felt more awkward. weird. out of place as the last few days. its weird. working at target for 7 months, i felt like i was slowly becoming more outgoing and better at talking to people. but then i look back and realize im seriously...really quiet and odd. ive watched both science of sleep and amelie in the last few days and realize that my life parallels both of those movies. in amelie, you have the main character who is really quiet, reserved--but she has a mystical quality that eventually connects with another person who is similar. im not saying i have some inner special attractive quality, but sometimes i hope that is the case. in science of sleep, the main character cant really differentiate his reality from his dreams. i have to say. the last couple years. i have felt that sometimes i set up this alter reality to temporary place myself into. its more a frame of mind where everything is 'right', where i feel comfortable and happy.

i dont know. guess im just getting kind of down. with the copious amount of time i have to sit and think about these things. hmhmhmhmhm