bitter sweet

friday.
any other friday with no work and i would be hanging with people. its kind of bummer when you have no one to really hang with. all of my friends are in spokane. if i left now...i wouldnt make it there in time. nah. maybe i would be just a little late. perhaps that wouldnt be so bad. but really. i have no money to be carelessly traveling.

got offered the blasted best buy job. went and peed in a cup to prove im not a junkie today. hhm. also. got a call from target. I GUESS their HR team member is leaving soon. so. there is a possibility of getting my old job back. the question is. do i really want to take the eye-straining/bland as hell/desk job back. i have the uniform for target. i know how to do the job. ahhh. or will i take the best buy job. its a job merchandising. basically- setting product on the floor according to corporate plan-o-grams. personally. i rather not take either of the retail jobs. i would really LOVE to get out of retail. but what can you do. so the next question is. what job would i feel less guilty leaving. luke would get mad at me knowing that i feel guilt at leaving some company like target. but...it just happens. i guess i would feel more guilty leaving target for a second time. and if i did get my old job back, i would have to train a replacement. (like I did before. stressful in itself...for sure.) dont know. the target is closer to home. blah.

also. trying to get my school shit organized. hopefully i will be attending an orientation on monday to learn more about the school and being a transfer student. i was happy to find out that i have all the pre-reqs for a BS in science. now all i need are the classes for the major itself. so, no more filler classes needed. just specialized classes. for a major that i am not yet decided on. GREAT. ive decided im really pumped to hear shai hulud play with earth crisis. they are good. hm hm.

i was invited to a potluck tonight with a bunch of people i do not know. kind of nervous. dont know what to bring. i will probably end up not bringing anything. i just wont eat. thats fair right?

i also just found out there is an indoor pool like....200 feet from my apt. for about $3 I can go swim laps in a 20 yard pool...haha....i could flip at the wall and coast to the other end. i guess i will try it out and see.


do you realize how i feel? do you. do you. do you realize that your name rolls off my tongue every now and again. i am alone with no one to hear. but the taste brings me a small happiness like you are actually here and listening.