soc 200 assignment 4: socialization and identity

an essay i wrote today for my intro to soc class. i think i talk myself in circles. oh well.

I find it very difficult to grasp the idea that whatever “self” I have come to known, has been the product of my environment and interactions with others. I would like to think that I have better control—more power over myself and what I am to become. But even if I had more power, would the presence of various agents of socialization continue to sway me towards the ideas and suggestions of these agents? Is there really no non-conformist, unique, self-made path to finding and creating the self? Not conforming is adhering to the standards of the anti-norm, and joining the million others part of the nihilist army. I guess there really is no way to win the war between society and the formation of the self.

The looking glass self says that we often look at ourselves as though looking in a mirror—attempting to see ourselves as society does. We then create standards that we believe society wants of us, and make the conscious decision to either conform or deviate from these expectations. I believe the media has one of the strongest chokeholds on individuals attempting to define themselves. A lot of who we become is influenced through family, peers, and friends—but who influences these people? Television, advertisements, magazines, books and others have all been mediums for the presentation of what society is expecting, what defines the American society, and what exactly you must do to achieve these expectations. I know I am caught in a constant conflict between what society [the media] is defining as successful and what I personally believe to be the definition of success. I am finding that most sources create an idea that after graduating high school, the [successful] person will continue to college, find their soul-mate, get married, buy a larger-than-needed house to hold their 2.5 kids and dog, work a “normal” Monday-thru-Friday nine-to-five job, eventually sending their kids off to college, all while still continuing to wonder where the time went, then retiring and dying at some ripe age. Besides the media telling me this is what I “should” want, it is very evident that my friends/peers/and family all had a say in it too. Upon graduating high school, I had my peers all questioning where I was going to school afterwards, to which I had a definite answer that was the product of my father’s expectations of me. Did I really know what I wanted to do with my life? No, but my dad had me convinced that a degree in chemistry could get me anywhere—get me that high paying job to afford my 4.5 bedroom house with 5 acre yard in a safe suburban neighborhood. I followed suit to later realize that if I am to continue to define my life based on other’s expectations; I am going to miss things that I truly want to experience and grow from. In conclusion, I dropped that major and am continuing to look for my niche as far as education goes.

Pondering the idea of the looking-glass-self, I am thinking that I embody the slightly-more-confused-than-most college student. I realize there are millions of us, all attempting decide what we are passionate about—and what we should “do” with our lives. I see me, and believe that society kind of wants me to decide—because “success” isn’t going to be obtained by those wandering this world with no direction. This is where I battle. Between what I believe my personal successes will arise from, and what I know to be success in the eyes of my family, friends, and peers. I also continue to ask WHY I care about their concerns with my future. Perhaps it is the glaring threat of being ostracized from my comfortable social circles that have defined my life thus far. So, I can’t deny the slight influence of this support network. The “me” has convinced me to stay in school, taking classes part-time and attempting at finding my niche inside and outside of my education, but I am happy to say that the “I” has helped me remain comfortable in my own thoughts. I am continuing to realize that I can create my own path and question whatever expectations that the media, family, friends, and peers have of me. This idea makes me optimistic for my future endeavors as a wandering-learning-forever-growing and evolving individual.