dandelions

so if you are lost. and not attempting at becoming found. you aren't exactly lost are you. for in the state of being lost. there lies a hope of being found. of being discovered. of finding what is missing. so. emotionally lost. mentally lost. if i am not willing to find myself. am i really lost. or just being unbelievably stubborn at remaining in a discontent frame of mind. has this become my comfortable state. if there is something that is a little bit [off], then we have something to worry about. we have something to obsess over. did i allow myself to become so content. so happy. that the optimistic cloud-nine kind of environment created its own discontent-ness based on the fact that i wasn't able to create a uncomfortable bubble where pissed off angst-ridden ashley could have something to complain about. something to cry about to those who choose to lurk such internet sob story breeding grounds such as this.


this reflection
is manipulated by what.
fucking calvin klein
[snap her hip bones with your own]
who is to define beauty
as what you fail to present
to the rest of us.
you are beautiful
and i will define this
as every flaw and imperfection
that they disapprove of.
i will say that this is
what makes you the most
beautiful thing i have ever
come to know.
i couldn't imagine you as
anything but what
you are. who you are.
and what you have come to stand for.


i write that. but all through my mind i hear:

"You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else." -fight club

lovely. my soc class is getting to my head. for better or for worse. i haven't decided.