today.

its raining. i can hear it sprinkling on the trash cans outside my window. how romantic right? open my blinds and there are 3 trash bins and a recycling bin. its lovely. i like the rain. i kind of want to walk in it. but...my umbrella is shit and im without any other rain gear. so whatever. im going to sit in my room and listen to it make music on the garbage cans. like....that one performing group that did all the dancing and banging on pipes and garbage cans...stomp something right? amazing.

this is going to sound cliche as fuck....but. love is a joke. really. i dont know how my heart falls into these weird feelings where i am falling for something that isnt there. that i crave someone that has never and will never be there. my hope is still alive somewhere in my brain, but then there is reality that tells me what is actually going on and what will never be. i fucking just want to tell them. get it over with. i think it would relieve whatever stupid tension that is stuck in my brain. but probably would compromise our friendship...make it awkward maybe. i dont know.

i want my emotions and hormones to stop fucking with my perception of my body. the end.