bros before hos

foolish of me to let these thoughts even enter my mind. even worse that i voiced them. voiced. some of them. the rest will stay within the deepest part of my skull until i am dead and rotting. i guess only the worms will know then. i am good at harboring feelings. not letting anyone realize whats going on. but it seems that in the past few weeks, i have found more confidence in myself to confide in others. and where does it lead me. into an ugly state of mind. where i feel like [just another girl]. with an irrational infatuation. being sucked dry by a parasite diseased with inadequacy. that sounds very angsty-teenager of me. whatever. i want to punch myself in the gut for thinking that it would be a good idea to let these feelings materialize. and now. i get to pretend they dont exist. i guess its back to square one.