i am so happy. so sad. so happy. happy.

destructive fingers upon every little imperfection. attempting a treatment that this mind has constructed. my blood is blue beneath my skin. a reminder that we are all a little lifeless inside. where is the soul? definitely not skin deep. not alongside the little bit of death we all harbor. i see it in your eyes. i feel it in your touch. these souls have touched me. these people have touched me. beneath the blue death. beneath these imperfections. i want to hold you all and keep you close. these people keep me warm. keep my spirit and passion living. even if a little bit of me is dead.

one. your words are focused and strong. no hesitation. i keep them next to my heart and near my brain. you keep me grounded. no pity was the best thing you could have done for me. one of the smartest people i know. you are going somewhere. even if you don't quite know where that is. yet. two. insecure but confident at the same time. you bear a passion that i could only dream of. and a pessimistic optimism that keeps me melancholy in the happiest sense of the word. i only want the best for you. don't settle for less. your heart will lead you to happiness. three. my twenty four hour help line. my life ring. the hope and strength you drilled into my head will never stray a few inches from my heart. my spirit. i have repeated your words to myself too many times to count. our friendship cannot be described or defined and i really wouldn't have it any other way. it will all click someday. for both of us. big things. remember? big things. four. both compromising and uncompromising. you know when to be there for people you care about but also realize that this is your life to live. you will never fail to pursue what you truly desire. with little regard to what others may think. i aspire to be half as brave as you. half as strong to do what i want without holding back to live a life others may have placed before me. five. my heart aches knowing you are beneath the same sky. but a little too far to share the feeling i get when looking up. it beats a little too fast thinking about your smile and a little too hard hearing your voice. you have reminded me to live. and continue to save me from myself without realizing it. you continue to remind me of the more important reasons to live. and give me hope that things will be beautiful someday. you are going to do amazing things. and hopefully i will be within arms distance.