skinny vanilla

im caught up in a feeling of hopelessness. for this world. for its people. for its environment. we are continuing on a road of destruction. devastation. we talk. talk. talk. blog. complain. about what everyone else is doing. and do little to actually cure the disease. myself included. i have found a stagnant point in my life where i feel like my little progressive steps are minuscule. insignificant. not that i am choosing to stop. but i am finding myself more and more depressed as i serve the very people i want to influence. filling wax filled partially recycled corporate labeled "disposable" coffee cups with skinny vanilla lattes. over-sized plastic cylinders with high fattening sugar-poisoned frappicinos with a smile and a "have a good day". they mumble a regurgitated "thanks" "you too". to which i wonder has any meaning in itself except for the idea that this automated response kind of slips out like a sneeze or cough. sure. i will assist you towards the journey of obesity. diabetes. "second shot for free"? more caffeine to prolong your addiction? up the energy to buy more corporate labeled highly processed groceries to which you will fill ten plastic bags to later throw away. i will help you to fill our landfills. sure i will ring up your fried chicken and cheese laden greasy pizza. "no coffee today?" you are sure missing out. little girls ordering "light" beverages. already fearing themselves. sorry your mother denied you the 400 calorie muffin. it will go straight to your thighs you know. no one wants fat little girls. hhhhm. my brain is being pulled in so many directions these days. i dont know what to say. what to write. i dont know how to react to myself. i just want to be a bird. and fly away. a butterfly in the grill of your SUV. thats what ill be. hosed off with the rest of the pests.