because you matter in this individuals life

im waking before the sun to prove to this face that i too can become someone that is unrecognizable in the mirror. oh her? she got hit by a bus. im spending eight dollars to throw up. im emptying my bank account to indulge in temporary euphoria and buy my dentist a hummer. im playing make believe pretending your hand is in mine and we are somewhere beautiful where we love ourselves and each other. this reality is only what i see. only what i hear. only the thoughts in my head and no one else's. is this selfish or the truth. is there a reality outside that of what i am aware of. even if there is. is it relevant? i will sit and watch the ferris wheel all day and pretend you and i are side by side. playing this circle like it will be the last activity that we experience together. we are playing the game. ill show you mine if you show me yours. ill jump only if your fingers are tight around mine. ill jump only if you agree to love me up the moment we escape this conjoined reality. the professor keeps babbling on about something. his voice is dulled by my ears. he is attempting to explain something about morality. one ear out the other. does this tell me something about my role as a student. that i am a horrible one. that my time could be better spent doing something else. maybe? maybe not.