messymermaidhair

watch out. little fat rain cloud hovering just a few inches from this cheek biting face. my inability to write is making me frustrated. i have too many ideas circulating lately. mostly how work is making me mentally ill. i feel too tired. too lonely. too corporate. fred meyer is leeching me of any creative thought and action i might have had. i am diseased. and looking for a new job.

i have also been reading too much. listening to too much. thinking too much. i cant say i know where my hope for a more beautiful existence spawned from. but its fading away faster than i can attempt to solidify it. all i hear about is the impending doom of our economy. our government. this country. i read about the rising cost of living. food. gas. wages will stay the same. less jobs. people are making too many babies. killing too many people. too many animals. devastation is humans gift to our earth and dehumanization is our gift to each other. what is this life. what does it mean for all the people that [get it]. happiness? is that all we can wish upon ourselves. a petty human emotion that brings a warm feeling to our gut. is that all that we are concerned with? its one of those days. when happiness doesn't look appealing. where success is not defined and never will be. where i am falling into a cycle of confused construction of self in the morning, and never failing destruction in the evening.